Questioning: "We Are a Family!"
Questioning: “We Are a Family!”
The Church and the loneliness epidemic
If you have been around small to medium sized churches much over the course of your life you have no doubt heard the sentiment that “we are family around here!” Statements like this are almost always said with the best of intentions. They come from a place of friendship and there are some churches that say this and are indeed a close knit community. The problem is that far too often the reality is less “we are a family around here” and more “I have people i talk to on Sunday.”
Sure, you may have a small group of people that you are “family-eque” with… but often times what ends up happening is our small group of friends cloud our perceptions of the whole picture. We stick to our clique and rarely ever give anyone else another glance. Think about it. When was the last time you spoke to someone you didn’t know?
As a pastor, I often watch as people come and go without a single person looking their way. This last week, I was doing a sound check as I noticed a woman walk in and sit down all by herself in an empty section… not one person gave her the time of day. After service, again… watched her walk right on out. Thankfully I was able to connect with her myself… but does that sound like a “we are family around here” type of situation? I often wonder what visitors think… what those who sit in the back row and duck out as we finish up the final prayer of the service think. They are here for SOMETHING… are we providing them what they need?
Earlier this week I came across an article that left me thinking. The headline read: “Loneliness declared an epidemic, poses risks as deadly as smoking” You can check it out here. The article talks about the rise in loneliness, especially amongst those between ages 15-24. You might think to yourself, what’s the big deal? According to the article, “Loneliness increases the risk of premature death by nearly 30%, with the report revealing that those with poor social relationships also had a greater risk of stroke and heart disease. Isolation also elevates a person’s likelihood for experiencing depression, anxiety and dementia.” Not to mention the role loneliness plays when it comes to depression and suicide! Loneliness is a massive problem!
Here is something I hope you begin to realize. You go to church every week with people who are struggling with loneliness. As we sit in our cliques and talk to the same people we talk to each Sunday (which, if we are honest, is usually pretty superficial anyway)… there are people who walk in and out mostly unnoticed. I have talked with people who have left their churches only to be forgotten by people they “were like family” with for decades. This has to stop!
I am not sharing any of this to make you feel guilty. It is human nature to closely associated with people who share basic interests. That can be anything from politics, sports, hobbies, or season of life. We enjoy people with people we have stuff in common with. So, please… build those friendships!
My challenge is for all of us to open our eyes to those who go unnoticed. Those who are struggling with loneliness in silence. Find ways to include introverts into your circles. Pay attention to people who you might not know… and take the first step towards making them feel welcome. Be the Church! Fight against Loneliness and help people find their place in the family of God!